Token of Devotion
by CoalTrain
Summary: Elrohir is lonely. There is a space that his friends, father and brother can’t fill. There’s a cold that can’t be warmed by a sweater. What happens when he meets Alatari, lady of Rivendell? What happens now? You’d think its love, right? Full sum. inside
1. A Different Kind of Free

Title: Token of Devotion

Author: Psalm 136

Rating: T for Teens (hehe)

Summary: Elrohir is lonely. There is a space that his friends, father and brother can't fill. There's a cold that can't be warmed by a sweater. What happens when he meets Alatari, lady of Rivendell? What happens now? You'd think its love, right? But he's afraid. He doesn't feel like he can love. But love does the strangest things to people.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is the ONLY time I will say it… actually, I own Alatari. And this plot. But that's it.

Author's Note: You will not meet Alatari until the third chapter or so. I want to establish Elrohir's character and his relationships with his friends and family. Enjoy and review please!

Other Note: I, CoalTrain, was told to put this story up by the real author. All credit goes to her!

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Chapter One:

Different Kind of Free

Elrohir sat in the library, a book in his hands. It was most uncharacteristic for the prankster elf. Usually, the elf would be with his brother, pranking Glorfindel or finding new ways to dye hair (so they could prank Glorfindel). Or he would be practicing archery or sparring with Legolas (since he was visiting). Or he would be flirting with his lady friends. But today, he had come to a realization.

Honestly, he was lonely and afraid. Nothing like the façade he kept up everyday. He was sorrowful and empty. He needed and wanted something but he didn't know what it was. Killing Orcs held temporary happiness for him, but then they would return and he would realize that the hunt was over and he was merely Lord Elrohir, brother of Lord Elladan, son of Lord Elrond. He was just himself and he couldn't hide or run anymore from the fact he was alone.

Not really alone-alone. He had a great many friends and he had his brother and father. He had great relationships with them all and it was wonderful to know people actually cared about him. But he wanted someone to see every night and every morning. He wanted someone to hold and… yes, he wanted someone to love. But he just couldn't love anyone. He had seen the pain in his father's eyes and never wanted to feel like that, so he hid himself behind a mask. And truly, he loved being the fun-loving prankster he was, but at heart, he was deeper than that. But he had been fun-loving for so long, nobody took him that seriously anymore.

Elrohir closed the book and slid it back onto the shelf. He sighed, blinking as some dust caught in his azure eyes. He turned to look out the window and felt a wave of sorrow flow over his heart. It was as if the weather was mocking him and he heard the gleeful laughter of a group of elflings and sighed, his heart aching for something more.

"Brother!" Elladan called from the hallway. By definition, Elladan was the more serious one and the more practical one, who often came up with the actual pranks, while Elrohir was the man pull-offer of the pranks. That was just the way things worked.

"Yes, Elladan?" The younger twin attempted a smile, but his brother saw right through it.

"What is wrong? You have been so sad lately. I have seen you, moping about your rooms." Elladan said, crossing his arms over his chest, silently demanding an answer in the way only he and their father could do. In truth, Elladan took more after Elrond's businesslike attitude and Elrohir was more like their mother.

"I…I'm not sure, brother. I feel like a part of me is missing and I don't know how to find the missing part." He said truthfully, crossing the room to his brother. "I feel alone. I want to find someone to love, yet I'm not sure if I can."

Elladan gave his twin a small smile. Though it was fake, and both of them knew it, Elrohir was touched gently by the effort and the gesture. Whenever one twin was feeling a certain emotion, like sorrow or excitement, the other channeled off it and the brother's mood was affected. Elladan felt sadness. He missed his happy brother, but knew this was vital to his maturity and to his entire life.

"My brother, you will find what is missing someday."

"Someday? I don't want to feel this way. I'm tired of feeling this way. Everyday, I got back to my chambers alone. I need someone, but…"

"But what?" Elladan prompted, putting an arm around Elrohir.

"But I'm afraid. I don't want to feel the pain Ada does everyday." He whispered, turning his tear-filled eyes to his brother.

Elladan just looked at his brother for a moment. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes filled with tears and full of pain, his face was empty and devoid of life. He wanted to soothe the pain away and see his brother smile. He wished he could do anything, everything in his power, but there was nothing, even in his power, that he could do. It relied on Elrohir and the Valar, and the young Lord of Imladris knew that and despised it.

Elrohir looked back at his brother. He could sense his brother's thoughts. He knew the torment Elladan was going through. He was touched by the amount of love his brother held for him, but it did nothing to soothe the pain away. He wanted to break away, run away and escape himself, but there was nothing he could do. He simply needed a woman's touch and love, and not any cheap imitation of it. He had felt lust and cursed his masculinity. He did not want some cheap whore to spend a night with. He craved the pure love of an elleth, and the light he often saw in maidens' eyes when they came from speaking with their lovers. The worst part was that he could see love and he knew that it was just out of his reach.

"Love is fickle and often doesn't turn out what I want it to be. I don't know why I suddenly crave it." Elrohir whispered.

"Your heart has suffered enough and the Valar deem it time to soothe it. All the pain and suffering you have been through… for your heart, love is a different kind of free and when you are in inevitable, inescapable, pure love, nothing can take it away."

"What if I never find love?" He asked, feeling that it was unfair that Elladan had all the answers. "And what about you? You have been through more than I."

"I am not ready for love. Despite the immaturity you have shown over the years, you hid behind that and were secretly keeping your pain so that you could soothe others' hurts with a joke and a smile. That is your gift, brother, and it has helped many. Treasure it."

"I still… I still am afraid."

"Fears are soothed, my brother, in time."


	2. I Don't Cry On The Outside

Title: Token of Devotion

Author: Psalm 136

Rating: T for Teens

Summary: See first chapter

Disclaimer: First chapter

Author's Note: In this chapter, you will see how Elrohir suffers behind his mask. In the first chapter, we saw how Elladan and Elrohir are real when they are together, and they know each other quite well. But what about those that Elrohir hides from?

Chapter Two:

I Don't Cry On The Outside

It had been a few days since the brothers had talked so privately. Elrohir needed space to digest all the information. The pain weighed heavily on his mind and it seemed to get worse, like an annoying migraine, each time he blinked. In the morning, it was like night to him. Night was his morning. At night, he was alone and he could merely seethe with anger or lay in his pain that he kept so well-hidden from the world. Love! What a human emotion. He did NOT need it, or so he thought.

Every time he left his haven that was his bedchambers, he would see the sunlight and he would see genuinely happy faces and it was sicken and anger him. How could they be so happy, when inside, he was broken and bruised? Too long had he seen death and destruction and be without real love. Too long had he seen suffering and not had healing. Too long had he lain alone at nighttime. He was tired of it.

Elrohir fixed his tunic and dusted off his already immaculate trousers and redid the left braid on his head that annoyed him to no end. Looking himself in the mirror again, he put on the smile he was so famous for. But even he could see in his eyes his suffering and he closed his eyes in shame. Though he did not cry. No, he never cried.

Putting on his grin again, he paraded from his bedchambers and made his way down the hallway to the great hall that was used for the meals. He greeted his lady friends with a wink and a kiss on the cheek. He managed to hold a small conversation with them and then he broke away to sit by his brother and father and Glorfindel and Erestor. He greeted them politely and he might have seen Glorfindel look upon him with a knowing look, but he wasn't sure.

"Good morning, Elrohir. How are you?" Elladan asked, putting some fruit on his brother's plate.

"Thank you, I am well. I slept fitfully, but I am alright." He said. He nudged his brother on the side. "Who's that?" He asked, pointing to a new brunette specimen who must have just joined Imladris' population or he would have known her. He had forced himself to make it his business to know all the ladies, to keep up a plausible façade.

Elladan shrugged. "Ada?" He asked.

"Her name is Lady Alatari. Her parents have just passed to Valinor, and she requested to reside here and I granted her request." Elrond said in his extremely lordly voice. Glorfindel snorted, but hid it well behind a cough that Erestor clapped him on the back for, as if helping him. But everyone present knew that they were playing along and Elrond merely kept the small, serene smile on his face.

Elrohir ate his light meal quickly, before excusing himself. He wasn't sure exactly what he said, but it might have been something about ladies because all four of them nodded knowingly to each other. He shot them a grin and left the hallway, walking more quickly than normal, nearly running by the time he made it outside. He burst out into the sunlight, glad to be away from people. There was just too high of a chance that they would see and then they would look on him with pity. He didn't want their pity.

And suddenly, he was forced to the ground by a blonde mass of energy. He groaned as his chest hit the ground and flipped himself over, pinning the Prince of Mirkwood to the ground. He smirked smugly, hoping Legolas didn't see his moment of weakness and snorted condescendingly.

"That is what you get, princeling, for trying to catch the great Lord Elrohir off his guard. For that is never… well, it doesn't happen!" Elrohir grinned. It hurt. It hurt so much. A lot like a knife being stabbed in your back by a friend. It was suddenly hard to breathe and he wanted to run to a corner and cry like a child. But he couldn't cry. No one would ever see him cry, not even himself.

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm quite sure." He said, standing up and dusting himself off, since Elrohir had already done so. "I have not seen you much all during my stay. Where have you been?"

For a split second, Elrohir stared at his friend like a deer surrounded by hunters but smoothly, like water, his face changed into one of indifference. "I'm not sure, just around." He said and Legolas laughed. The sound of his laugh, though clear and beautiful, cut the elf to the core. It covered his soul in angry welts that he had to push aside and nurse later when he was alone.

"Said truly like you." Legolas clapped him on the back. "Let us have an archery contest."

Elrohir nodded and followed the Prince in a more subdued manner than usual. But the last few days had been an all-time low for him. The happiness that he had to use to cover his pain was slowly suffocating him and he needed space. He picked up his bow, as did Legolas. He aimed and closed his eyes, letting his hands do the work for him. But his mind wasn't on archery, it was on his knife. The temptation just to pick it up and slice himself was just too much. His hands jerked and an arrow went out into the forest. He cursed under his breath as Legolas laughed.

"Looks like I win again, mellon nin." He said merrily.

"Well, there is a reason why you are known as the best archer in Middle Earth. But there is also a reason why Elladan and I are known as Orcs Bane." He said, letting a fake sparkle shine in his eyes. "You know I surpass your skill in the area of… blades." The word rolled off his tongue in a strange way, as if he was saying it differently than before, even though eh wasn't.

The friends parted, Elrohir saying that he had an important paper to finish and Legolas said something about more archery practice. Elrohir let out a breath when he entered the halls. The cooler air caressed his skin, as if Imladris itself wanted to heal his pain. He felt tears prick at his eyes, but he forced the sensation away. He didn't cry. Crying was for weaklings and he was not weak. He was strong because he bore his secret storm alone. Alone… the word sickened him. It was a disgusting word because it was the only word that could truly describe him.

"Elrohir?" Glorfindel called.

Elrohir turned and waved merrily. "Glorfindel, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, standing up a bit straighter.

The blonde Balrog Slayer considered the elf Lord. The elf seemed to age right before his eyes. There was a deeper glint in Elrohir's azure eyes and he stood up straight, with pride, but his shoulders seemed tired, as if bearing an invisible burden none but him could feel.

"You have been acting strange." Glorfindel pointed out.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't pulled a prank on anyone lately." Elrohir answered with his signature smirk.

"You don't have to fake it, my friend. You can tell me." He prompted the elf to speak, but he didn't.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He insisted.

"Don't lie."

"If I told you what was wrong, it would be like trying to empty an ocean into the palm of your hand. This is something I must bear alone." And Elrohir walked away, leaving Glorfindel dumbfounded. Elrohir had certainly aged, not in appearance much, but in spirit. What could he possibly be hiding underneath the laughing mask?


	3. Brave the Silence

Title: Token of Devotion

Author: Psalm 136

Summary: See first chapter

Disclaimer: First chapter

Author's Note: Enter Alatari, stage left!

Chapter Three:

Brave the Silence

Elrohir shut the door behind him as he entered his room, much louder than what was normal for him. He fell on his bed, trembling. His soul quivered. There was no way Glorfindel could know! Elladan would never break his trust. And no others knew of his innermost feelings. He would allow no others in. Then how did the Lord know that something was wrong? How did he always know?

He literally felt like there was a hole in his chest that he could not fill. Tears filled his eyes and fell down his face as he laid on his back. He hugged himself, trying to find some spark of warmth or a second of peace. He found neither. But it was the sort of cold that couldn't be warmed by a cloak. He shook as he sobbed silently, letting out the pain.

For an hour or so, he just laid, immobile, on his bed. He stared at the ceiling, but he did not see. He heard merry laughter in the hallway but he did not realize it was a voice he had never heard. It was all in his head, and it ran through his head over and over again. He thought of how he was infinitely alone, and how nobody understood what it was like to be afraid of love. No one. Not even Elladan.

But then he stood up and felt a bit heavier, but his tears were gone and he could flatten his hair and go be around people, so he wouldn't raise suspicion. It wouldn't be like him if he were to be away from the crowds for too long. And he didn't want any unnecessary attention.

He exited his room and walked through the halls, trying to avoid people for the longest possible amount of time. As he stood at a railing, looking over Imladris, he felt someone bump into him. He looked at him. Wait, no, he looked over at her.

She could be what some would call beautiful, he supposed. She had long brown hair and hazel eyes, more green than brown, though. She wasn't too tall, nor was she that skinny. He suspected she had human blood in her somehow. She was just plain. And he knew she had human in her somewhere because it was not like an elf to bump into another, and she had loud footsteps.

"I'm real sorry, milord. I'm always so clumsy. I apologize." She said, curtseying politely.

Elrohir bowed in response, hiding behind his mask and letting the 'real' Elrohir come alive. "That is alright, my lady. I am Elrohir." He grinned at her and he saw the smile that she gave him and it just infused the anger in him. Her smile was so bright and innocent it was infuriating. For a moment, his passive, calm azure eyes were hard and steely, but she hadn't been looking at him.

"I am Alatari." She replied.

"A beautiful name. I am Elrohir." He kissed her hand, as was his 'custom', one could say, even though he didn't really want to. "Would you walk with me?" He offered her his elbow.

Alatari just seemed to stare at his elbow for a minute. But she put her arm in his and they set off. To be perfectly honest, Elrohir was a bit repulsed by her presence, even though she really seemed like a lovely girl. He was just in no mood for consorting with women. But there was something about her that was promising. There was a light in her eyes that was more than just dresses, courting and power. Maybe elleths were more than that. Just maybe he had a potential friend.

"It is quite beautiful here, in Rivendell. I am from Lorien, and it is beautiful too, but…" She trailed off, blushing lightly. "I am sorry, I'm not gifted with words."

Elrohir actually smiled at that. And he didn't even realize it. "It is alright. Yes, I have traveled to the Golden Woods, visiting my grandparents. It is a wonderful place, but Rivendell will always be home to me." He replied, turning so they entered into the garden.

"It is quickly becoming home. I have met your brother, also, and Glorfindel. They have been very accommodating." Alatari blushed, and Elrohir could only imagine what had happened. Either she had gotten lost or spilled something. For some reason, that seemed like her. But it was endearing. He was repulsed by his own thoughts. Why was he thinking it was endearing? What was wrong with him?

"Yes, they are very hospitable." He commented.

Alatari looked up at his face, examining his features. "Is there something wrong, milord? You look distracted." She observed.

Elrohir felt panic rising in him, like he was being filled by a disgusting… something and he couldn't stop the flow. He wanted to just run away and leave her and never see her again. No one was supposed to know anything was ever wrong. He was Elrohir, the prankster Lord who always makes everyone's day. He was always happy. Or so he always appeared to be.

"Um, nothing is wrong." He forced a grin. "I am only distracted by your beauty." The words seemed to roll of his tongue strangely, like it was a bitter aftertaste.

"If you say so." Alatari seemed immune to the words that would usually melt an elleth's heart. Elrohir raised an eyebrow. Wow, none had ever done that before. She intrigued him.

"And I do." He returned, winking at her in a flirtatious manner.

"Milord, I am not like other elleths. I am not wooed by words alone. Actions speak louder than the mightiest shout." She told him, a cool look on her face.

"You are not like other elleths. This is well." Elrohir commented softly, a thoughtful expression on his face. He had never met an elleth like her, and it scared him. He had to find a way to act normal around her when he didn't feel "normal" around her. "May I interest you in accompanying me to the ball tonight?" He asked suddenly and then sighed. He supposed a partner for the ball would keep pretenses.

Alatari studied him again and then a smile formed on her face. Her innocent brown eyes were filled with a pleased expression. Elrohir knew she was flattered that he invited her, since he was very handsome. Now, he wasn't vain. Legolas was vain. Elrohir merely stated facts.

"Yes, I would like that. Thank you for the invitation." She said formally, nodding her head gracefully. But then she fell forward because she had stepped on her too-long dress.

Elrohir caught her with his cat-like reflexes and brought her to his chest. "Are you alright?" He asked, real concern gracing his voice.

Alatari blushed a bright red and nodded. "Yes." She whispered and he released her. "Thank you, milord."

"Please, call me Elrohir." He requested.

Alatari smiled and nodded again. "Alright, Elrohir. Now, I must leave you, but when shall I expect you?" She inquired.

"At seven." He released her arm and bowed to her, another genuine smile gracing his handsome face. They held eye contact for a few minutes, and Alatari could have sworn she saw something ancient in his eyes, nothing like how anyone had described him to her. But she curtsied and nodded to him, as she left the gardens, leaving Elrohir more confused than ever.


	4. I Want To Hide In You

Title: Token of Devotions

Author: Psalm 136 (Coaltrain was kind enough to put this up for me)

Rating: T

Summary: See first chapter

Disclaimer: Does it look like I own Lotr? Didn't think so. I only own… I own my Bible, some Dentyne Ice and lots of books. That's about it. If I owned Lotr, I don't think I would be writing fanfiction. If I owned Lotr, I would be basking in my great monies and riches. But I don't own Lotr.

A/N: This chapter was heavily inspired by "When No One Else" by Building 429. If you haven't heard the song, listen to it. Its brilliant. Its also inspired by "When Love Takes You In" by Steven Curtis Chapman. Also another brilliant song.

A/N 2: And so we're all on the same page, there is no such thing as slash in this story. Glorfindel and Erestor are best friends and Elladan and Elrohir are brothers.

Token of Devotion

Chapter Four

XXX

Elrohir stood in front of his mirror. He had long since finished his braids and fixing his tunic, so he merely looking at his own reflection. He still wondered how Glorfindel had known something was wrong. Everything was wrong. He had faked a smile for so long, he was broken. It hurt to be the only one facing such pain. Not even his father knew of what torment he went through daily. And he intended for it to stay that way. No one could know he, Lord Elrohir the prankster, wished for love and wished for a life different than that of which he already had. He rested a hand on his chest, right above his heart. It was as if there was nothing there. There was an empty hole there, and he wanted and needed to fill it, but he didn't know how he could. He had spent many a night crying silently, and wishing there was a way out. But there never came to be one. He was stuck on Middle Earth, in his pain. He wanted so much to fade, but the fact Elladan would still be on Arda kept him there. That was the only reason.

In a way, all he wanted was a place to call home. But there didn't seem to be one for him. Elrohir wanted to cry himself to sleep and then drift off to a dream where there were people who loved him, not for the mask, but for the broken and bruised soul that lay behind it. The love of a brother was not enough to bring him joy. He let out a sigh and met his reflection's azure eyes and let the smile hide his pain again. He brushed off his already immaculate tunic as tears started to fall from his eyes.

"Its dirty, I have to clean it." He mumbled. There was nothing wrong with his tunic. But there was something wrong with his soul. Lacerating wounds burned, wounding him every second he refused to let them find a healing source. "Its not good, its wrong."

Elrohir regained himself quickly, wiping his tears away. He rebuked himself harshly in his heart of hearts, convincing himself he was not worthy of love. Swallowing, he glanced over to his balcony doors and smiled humorlessly as he heard the sound of rain falling. He would have noticed it earlier if his focus had been in reality, not on his mind and soul and spirit.

Rain was always Elrohir's favorite weather. It described him perfectly, though he would never tell anyone that. Though, as an elf, he could feel no cold, it was as if when the drops hit his skin, they chilled not his body, but his very soul. He planted a fake grin on his face and exited his rooms. He was quick to ask a passing servant for directions and then plucked a white lily from a planter in the hallway.

He knocked on Alatari's door, almost excited to see her. She intrigued him, and tested his very beliefs about female kind.

"Hello, milord."

Elrohir looked up from where he had been staring on the ground, and his breath literally caught in his throat. Alatari was not the most beautiful of elleths, with plain brown hair and hazel eyes, but her simple beauty was enhanced by the dark green dress she wore. She smiled nervously as he met her eyes once more. He just couldn't believe how innocent and beautiful she looked. All elleths were beautiful, yes, but this one didn't want to bed him and he saw authenticity in her eyes. He didn't know what was authentic, but he supposed it was her spirit. Her spirit was innocent and beautiful. Though she wasn't as graceful as other elves, he could care less. He had found a potential friend. He gave her a small, tentative smile.

"You look beautiful, milady." Elrohir said honestly. He handed her the flower.

Alatari smiled, averting her eyes in embarrassment as she tucked the lily behind her ear. She was not used to such a handsome and interesting Lord telling her she was beautiful. She never usually considered herself beautiful in any aspect. Not that she hated herself, but coming from Elrohir… she felt like she was. "Thank you." She said softly.

"Shall we?" He offered his arm to her, which she readily took.

The walk to the ballroom was pleasant, filled with friendly banter. In that space of three minutes, he felt… happy. He didn't feel like he needed to pretend to be anyone. He knew that she was different than most. She wouldn't judge him for being the way he was. She wouldn't think of rejecting him if he got real with her. It was such a liberating feeling, and he treasured that feeling, storing it away to fight the depression that would certainly come later, when he saw all the couples dancing, and when he saw love reflecting in the eyes of those he had known for all his life. That feeling would fight away the jealousy. It would fight away the anger.

"Thank you." Alatari said as Elrohir pulled her chair out for her.

Elrohir made sure she was situated before taking his seat, right next to her. He looked down at the glorious feast set before him and suddenly, his appetite fled him. Usually, he was famed for the amount of food he could eat, and still have energy to flirt with elven maidens. But now, he didn't even have the strength to lift the fork. He wasn't even sure why. So, he picked up his goblet and sipped at the strong wine.

"Milord—" Elrohir cut her off.

"Pardon me, milady, call me Elrohir." He intervened.

Alatari smiled at him. "Alright. Elrohir, why are you not eating?" She placed her hand over his in friendly concern.

The mere contact warmed Elrohir's frozen soul and soothed him. He wished to take her hand, but then, he was risking the fact she could just pull her hand away. He swallowed nervously and shrugged, trying to act lighthearted, but he had a strange feeling Alatari could see right through his act. In a way, she was like his father and could almost read his mind. It was a violating feeling.

"I suppose I had too much to eat at lunch." He lied easily. He had eaten part of a salad and had a few sips of wine, before excusing himself. But she didn't need to know that. He hadn't eaten well of late, and it was partially due to the fact Mithrandir was visiting soon. That wizened wizard always knew if something was wrong. He was not looking forward to his visit, for the first time in his long life.

"If you say so." Alatari shrugged, before turning back to the delicious venison.

"May I have this dance, Lady Alatari?" Elrohir asked as he stood up, offering his hand to her.

Alatari smiled and nodded, taking his hand. She let him lead her out to the dance floor. As if by fate, a slow beat was started up and Elrohir placed a hand modestly on her waist and took her small, feminine hand in his much larger one. He gave her a genuine smile as they danced, feeling happy again. Her glittering eyes sent an emotion running through him. It made him want to dance in joy, which was a strange concept to him. He hadn't felt joy since before his mother had passed to Valinor. Even seeing his sister fall in love didn't help his disposition.

"Elrohir, there is something wrong."

Elrohir could have jumped, but he didn't. He looked into her calm, questioning eyes with his own wide, trapped ones. He swallowed and fought to regain his calm, but she had already seen his panic and fear. She removed her hand from his shoulder to gently caress his face. The small gesture of friendship nearly prompted him to sob once more, this time in sheer gratefulness that the Valar had sent him someone to love him. This was all he had ever wanted.

"I cannot tell you." He whispered.

"You don't have to. But I am here, remember that. If you need someone to hold you as you cry, or someone to laugh with or someone to just simply exist with, I'm here for you." Alatari told him sincerely.

Elrohir could see in her eyes that she had a heart. She radiated love and comfort. It was as if she knew what he was talking about. He could see understanding and caring in her eyes. He drew closer to her, like a babe would draw close to his mother. He felt like she knew him better than he knew himself and he felt no shame. He buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair, and even let a few tears drop. Feeling this, Alatari tightened her hold on him and whispered calming words in elvish.

"Thank you, my friend." Elrohir whispered in elvish as the emotion passed. "Thank you."

Alatari gave him an understanding smile. "There is no need for thanks, friend. You would do the same for me, I know it." She playfully tugged on one of his braids. "Warrior braids. They fit you."

Elrohir thought he sensed a hint of meaning behind her words, but shrugged it off. Yes, he was a warrior and had earned his braids like everyone else. But he was flattered nonetheless. "I know, thank you." He jested.

"Stop thanking me!" She rebuked him flirtatiously and gently hit the back of her hand against his arm.

"Ow!" Elrohir rubbed where she had hit him, just to see her laugh, even though it didn't hurt at all. He smiled at her laugh. Her laugh was beautiful and clear and full of joy. It was the embodiment of her soul, he thought.

Alatari looked over at the closed doors that went into the garden and looked back up at him. "Will you walk with me?" She pleaded.

He raised an eyebrow. "In the rain? Your dress will become muddy." He reminded her.

She looked down at her beautiful dress and wondered if she should compromise all the work put into the making of the dress. She sighed. "I know, but it will be fun!" She took his hand and stood up. "Please, Elrohir?"

Elrohir looked into her eyes and sighed, smiling. She was impossible to refuse. He stood up and excused them and then they walked out into the gardens together. It was raining heavily, but there was no wind. He hated the rain and wind together. She took her hand out of his grasp and danced in the rain, twirling and singing a nonsense tune, like an elfling. Her unbridled joy and happiness brought him hope, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Come on, oh stern lord of Imladris!" Alatari grabbed his hand and together, they twirled for close to an hour, before deciding to call it quits.

They walked into the hallway, dripping and laughing. Elrohir's laugh was not forced at all. She leaned against him and his arm went around her instinctively. Their laughter soon ceased and they took one look at the other and burst out laughing again. A passing maid rolled her eyes, causing them to laugh harder.

Alatari had to lean against a wall and Elrohir was already on the floor. There wasn't anything in particular they were laughing about. They were just laughing because they could. She took a deep breath and quelled her giggles and took off her slippers and started off towards her rooms. She looked over her shoulder.

"Coming to escort me?"

Remembering himself, Elrohir stood up and composed himself before following her quickly. He smiled at her and put an arm around her amiably, and she promptly nestled into his embrace. She closed her eyes, letting him lead them to her rooms. He smiled and planted a kiss on her brow.

"Goodnight, my friend." Alatari said and opened her door.

"I wish you sweet dreams." He quickly fixed the lily behind her ear, since it had drooped down. "I will see you at breakfast." He pecked her cheek in a friendly gesture before leaving her to head back to his own rooms.

Elrohir opened his door and saw Elladan sitting on his bed, with a sage smile on his face. The younger twin rolled his eyes and closed the door, taking off his dripping tunic and breeches, toweling himself off with the towel his elder brother offered him. He put on his dry sleepwear and put the towel under his hair to keep the cloth from becoming wet.

"Sit." Elladan pointed to the floor so he could braid his younger brother's hair. He slid down onto the floor so he would have easier access.

Elrohir complied. Some of the most sacred moments between the brothers were when there was no one else around and they were simply brothers, not lords, not anyone. He closed his eyes at the soothing ministrations of his brother's fingers in his hair. He let out a contented sigh.

"You are happy, my brother." Elladan whispered.

"For the moment." He corrected. He could already feel the want for the love he felt when Alatari was around again. He also felt the sharp sting of the fact no one knew exactly what his torment was. He was a protector, and he wanted to be protected in a way no one could.

"It brings me joy."

"I love Alatari, as a sister and a friend. I know this. But I have known her for so little of a time. Am I mistaking my feelings for something else?" The younger brother asked.

The elder shook his head. "No, you are not. Your soul cried out for such love, and you were answered. What is Alatari like?" He asked with a smile.

"She is intriguing, and not like other elleths at all. She is a little clumsy, not as beautiful as most, but beautiful. She has a beautiful spirit, and she understands me. I think she knows I am in pain, and she understands. She doesn't pity me." Elrohir reported with a smile.

Elladan finished braiding his brother's hair and stood up, helping his twin up as well. "I am happy that you have found a friend. And Glorfindel suspects something."

Elrohir sighed. "I know. And Mithrandir shall know something is wrong as well. I cannot tell them." He felt fear rise in him.

Elladan sensed this and put his arms around his younger brother and sighed. "You don't have to tell them. You must trust in the Valar, that they will heal your spirit. You are broken, my brother. Do not let it consume you." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Please."


	5. They All Fall Down

Title: Token of Devotion

Author: Psalm 136 (Coaltrain is lovely and put this up for me. SHE ROCKS!)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: It's not mine. Alatari is mine. I wish Elrohir were mine. I love short sentences.

A/N: Don't think that Elrohir will be better after one kiss and a hug from Alatari. Depression runs much deeper and people around you can't heal you alone. Things will get worse before they get better. Just so you know.

Token of Devotion

Chapter Five

Elrohir woke up, the morning after, and stared up at the ceiling. He stretched, feeling his back pop lightly and he groaned in pleasure. He slowly pushed the covers from his body and stood up. He looked out of the window and saw it was sunny. Ignoring his untidy hair and crumbled bedclothes, he went out onto the balcony, feeling the stone under his feet. He leaned against the railing and looked over Imladris.

He was increasingly calm and peaceful. Though the wound in his heart still festered, it was as if he was completely numb to the pain and receptive to the joy and peace simply living could bring. He looked over the land that would forever hold his heart and smiled. So perhaps not all of his former prankster, happy-go-lucky spirit was gone. Maybe he could heal.

A large grin spread across his sorrowfully handsome face and he laughed aloud. He laughed for sheer happiness that he found in his heart. He ran back into his room and shut the balcony door behind him. He quickly undressed and selected a pair of black trousers and a green tunic. He didn't bother to braid his hair and bound it to keep the strands from falling into his face. After he put on his boots, he was out the door.

Elrohir sprinted down the halls and only slowed down when he reached the dining hall. He greeted the room with a wide grin and refrained from sitting with his father and brother, and made a beeline for where Alatari sat, relatively alone. The young ladies of Imladris (or young by Elvish reckoning) disliked her greatly, for spending as much time as she did with him, the most eligible bachelor of Rivendell. Well, co-most eligible bachelor, but Elrohir was more known for his escapades with women, though most of the rumors were false.

"Good morning." Elrohir said as he took a seat beside her.

Alatari looked up, surprised by his appearance. "Shouldn't you sit with your family?" She asked.

"Well, if you would prefer…" He was disappointed and it hurt to be rejected when his day had previously been amazing.

"No, no!" She protested, dragging him down to sit by her. "I was just surprised. All the ladies are shunning me." She let out a sigh.

Elrohir put an arm around her shoulders. "Don't worry about them. They're just jealous." He looked down into her dark brown eyes and it hurt to see the rejection in those eyes.

"Why? I'm not that…" Before she could continue, Elrohir placed a finger against her lips.

"Do not think it. You are ten times more beautiful than any lady here." He declared shamelessly. Well, it was true, after all, in his eyes. And it was not just her face that attracted him to her. It was her spirit and her mind. She thought no less of him, even though she had seen just a glimpse of what he hid behind his face.

"Thank you." Alatari murmured and shrugged his arm off her shoulders so she could eat properly.

Elrohir watched her for a moment and then filled his plate heartily. He poured himself a goblet of wine, not the deep, strong kind, but the lighter type. He 'dug in', filling his stomach like he had just survived a seven-year famine. For the past few years, he had refrained from eating too much, wanting to break his habit of using food as comfort. He sipped at the wine and turned to Alatari.

"So, we're pretty much friends now, right?"

Alatari looked up at him and nodded, with a smile on her face. "If you wish it." She answered, eating a few grapes after she had replied.

"But do you want it?" He asked, a feeling of numbness filling him, to protect his fragility from getting hurt further.

"Of course." She pecked his cheek and left him speechless.

Elrohir watched her go and a grin spread across his face, spreading from pointed ear to pointed ear. He left his half-eaten meal behind and bounded out of the hall and into the bright sunshine. He took a deep breath, as if it was the first time fresh air had passed through his lungs. He had a friend, beyond the love of his brother.

Speaking of which, his twin joined him as he looked over the beautiful land of Imladris from the balcony. Elladan grinned at him and Elrohir couldn't help but return it. "You look like an elleth who has fallen in love."

"Oh, please, Elladan." Despite his annoyed words, the younger heir of Imladris looked fit to bounce off the walls,

"You have a friend, it seems." Elladan observed.

Elrohir nodded.

"She is kind, no?"

Nod.

"You love her, as a friend and a brother can?"

Nod.

"That is well."

Nod.

The brothers embraced. "I am happy for you. You cannot be alone in this. Your heart will be whole again, I promise you, Elrohir."

"Hannon le, Elladan."

Elladan inclined his head with a smile. "Now, I must go and entertain our guest. Feel free to join us or feel free to go find Alatari." He teased and dodged a swip to his head as he left his brother.

Elrohir stood proud, a true lord of Imladris. The soothing sound of bird song and of the crashing waterfalls eased him and his azure eyes had a small spark of happiness in them. He was content to stand there and just exist. He realized he didn't need to have lordship over anything. He didn't need to be seen as handsome. He didn't need all the little things he had formerly craved to fill the space within his soul. He just needed the love he knew he had with his brother and with his friend.

He left the balcony and walked down the stairs that ended at the lawn where he and Elladan and Legolas often sparred and practiced. The grass held so many memories for him. It was where his Ada had taught him to shoot a bow and where he and his Amme ((mother)) had many picnics when he was just an elfling and where he and Legolas had met for the first time. The lawn was where he had grown into the elf he was. A nostalgic feeling descended on him and he wished for the times when he wasn't alone. He closed his eyes and then opened them again and put those thoughts behind him.

"Elrohir!"

The named turned around and grinned when he saw Alatari rushing down the stairs to meet him. He slipped his hands into his pockets and waited for her to reach him. Her hair was mussed up and he took the liberty of brushing a few sections of hair behind her shoulder, his fingers lingering on her soft skin for but a few moments, before he dropped his hand to his side, as if he was not allowed to touch her beauty.

"Is there a problem?" He asked.

"No! Not at all!" Her eyes were alight with excitement. It radiated to him and a grin grew on his face.

"What is it then?" He interrogated her.

"I am going back to Lothlorien! I thought my brother had long since perished, but he is alive! He wishes to see me and I hear he has a lover, if she isn't his wife yet!" Alatari was nearly trembling with excitement.

Elrohir stared at her blankly for a moment, taking all this in. He was stricken and hurt and rejected inside. It tore at his heart to hear that she was going away, maybe forever. Though he did visit his grandparents frequently, he would not see her, for there were always parties on his and Elladan's arrival. It broke his heart. But he didn't let it show. He put on an excited face and hugged her.

"That is well, my friend! I am happy for you. I do not know what I would do if I thought my brother was dead." He put on the perfect nice-friend face on, hoping she didn't see his true feelings. He was tired of hurting people, and wanted for others to be happy, so they would not suspect anything was wrong. And yet, with her, he wanted her to know something was wrong.

"Are you lying to me?" Alatari asked, looking him straight in the eye.

He held her gaze. "No."

She grinned and hugged him. "Thank you, Elrohir! You will visit, right?" She looked up at him.

Elrohir placed a kiss on her forehead. "I will try."

"Can you escort me?"

"I cannot. I have too many responsibilities here. But I will try to visit soon, I can't promise you any date now." He said and bit down on his tongue as he fought away the tears that threatened to fall down and give his lie away.

"Oh." Her face fell and Elrohir felt horrible. "I must get my things together. I'm leaving tomorrow morning at dawn. Come and see me off, alright?" She requested and he saw in her eyes that she wanted him to be there.

So he had no choice. He gave in immediately. "Of course, mellon."

Alatari smiled and squeezed his hand gently. "I will see you at dawn, then."

Elrohir watched her go back inside to pack her things and he turned away. He started towards the forest and slowly sped up to a breakneck sprint. For he was an elf, he was merely a blur as he jumped over logs, vaulted over wind-felled trees, and dodged the bushes. Tears blinded him and he slipped in the mud. Though he didn't fall, he stumbled enough to make him grab onto a tree to steady himself.

He plopped down as ungracefully as an elf could on a tree stump. He couldn't move, he couldn't process a thought, he could hardly even breathe. She was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him to this world. The love of his brother wasn't enough, now that he knew there was more.

A hand touched his shoulder and Elrohir jerked, looking up at the familiar blonde lord with tear-filled eyes. "Leave, Glorfindel."

"Is it Alatari?"

"Yes."

"Why are you so heartbroken? Please, I must know, mellon nin."

"I am lonely. Life has lost meaning!" Color slowly drained even further as it started to sink in: Alatari was leaving. His dear friend was leaving.

Glorfindel wrapped the youngest twin in his arms. "It will be okay, don't worry." He let the young elf sob into his shoulder. "Don't leave us. You will see Alatari again, I promise."

Elrohir heard not the elder elf's words. He was consumed in his fears as waves of loneliness crashed over him again and again.


End file.
